Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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