Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize