sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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