His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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