My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize