It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
