I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
