I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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