Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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