Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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