Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We named our party play list daddy issues
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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