i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
