SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
