I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
