Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
