he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
