So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
