Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
