We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
