so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
