My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
