"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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