Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
