chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
