It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just want to make out with him forever
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize