Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
