I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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