Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
