i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Its about making memories worth repressing
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
