these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
