im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
