hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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