Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
