there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
