I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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