Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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