I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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