so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
