let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
