my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize