I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
