I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Let's paint friendship bongs
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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