Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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