He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
