I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
