dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize