God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
