he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
