where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
