I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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