failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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