Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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