I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
