If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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