I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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