I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
