You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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