I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
