I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
