Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
