Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
