then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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